**Who Am I?**

I have continually been on the search for one of my sisters who was placed for adoption 40+ years ago. Recently, I contacted the Childrens Aid Society where I believed her adoption too place. The next morning I was woke up by the phone ringing. It was the agency, calling to tell me I must contact another agency in regard to her case, but wanted to talk to me about my case history. Although I was raised in the home, I still have an extensive record with the agency.
The worker asked me if I knew about ever being placed in foster care. I replied with "No", and assumed that because I didn't remember, it must have been during infancy. What would be said in the coming minutes made me question what I really do know about myself. I was told that I was placed in foster care for extended periods of time at ages; 7 months, 3, 7, 9 and 11 years old. I was so shocked that I kept asking "Are you sure you have the right person?". The worker said that as children, we repress memories of traumatic events, and if I didn't remember, it was in my best interest to apply for my Case History. So... Here I sit. At 24 years old, asking someone else about me.

I was so upset by this phone call. I remember my friends phone numbers from 20 years ago, but I can't remember being in a foster home for over 6 months at almost 12 years old? I have memories as far back as 3 years old... Yet this HUGE part of my life, I don't recall? Unbelievable.

In a mere attempt to understand, I contacted my mother. I asked her when and why I was placed in foster care. She replied by saying that I was only placed in care once, when I was 7 months old, and it was voluntary for 2 weeks. I asked her if that was all she had to say, and told her that I was applying for my Case History, so I will find the truth either way. She said she had to go, and I said goodbye.

Within the hour, I received 3 emails from her. The cowardly way of telling me what happened and why. She explained that at 7 months, I wasn't actually placed in care voluntarily, I was apprehended. She had taken me to the hospital, where I spent much of my time seeing specialists for stomach issues. One of the doctors called Childrens Services due to my irregular redness and tenderness in the vaginal area. After investigation, it came to light that I was being sexually abused, and was removed from the home. 7 months old! Who the hell does this?
She proceeded to tell me of other instances when I was removed from the home, all revolving around sexual and physical abuse.

She stated that the instance at 9 years old was once again reported by Health Care Officials when I was taken to the hospital with unexplained rectal bleeding. After further examination, it was due to being sodomized, by who, I don't know.

She never touched topic of when I was 11 years old. How do I possibly not remember this? I just can't comprehend it all.... My memory has failed me....

The waiting game begins.. Up to a six month wait to find my history.

The question is, can I handle the truth?